Make Space

Marissa Southards

Let’s be honest – I haven’t done a great job of keeping up here, but it’s been a bit of a whirlwind lately with the movement this project is getting.  And through that, I get some really great questions.  I mean, really great.  And one that I get a few times is really – getting out of your way.  How do we even DO that?  How do we begin to move out of our way and remove our limits?  I recently got very stuck in my own way.

There’s a short answer for everything.  The reader’s digest version of this is – just knock that shit off.  But let’s be real.  It’s not that easy.  We think it’s easy.  We truly believe – hey I’ll just get out of my own way and do some shit in my life, and everything else will fall into place and I’ll be exactly where I want to be.

Nope.  That NEVER happens.  You know what does happen?


Life just pops its little head up and says “nah, screw your plans, I’ve got something else in mind for you today.”

It’s so cliché to say this, but really – life is what is happening when we are looking ahead trying to get to that magical place where we are finally happy.  And when life is happening, we tend to focus on every bad thing that happens to us instead, and we say “when I get through this, I can start my life”, or “when I get past this phase in adulting, I’ll start living”.

You’ve successfully placed a limit on yourself.  You’re now officially in your own way.

So what are you waiting for?  Are you taking an active role in living your life, or just simply letting life happen to you?  Do you make decisions on how to react to life?  Or are you just letting circumstances make your decisions for you?

Be an active participant in your life.  Taking the first step in moving out of your own way is really just taking the first step into your life.

Your circumstances don’t define who you are.  YOU DO.

I let myself be defined by circumstances for a looooong time.  I really resisted life.  I just kind of dwelled in it and whatever happened, just happened.  I had the opportunity a few years ago, through a set of really awful circumstances, to meet 3 amazing women that showed me how stuck I was in my own way.

Emily, Alicia, Ashley.  Thank you for showing me why I needed to be myself.  Thanks to you three, I stopped being the president of the shitty committee, and started having an active voice in my own life.  I got out of my own way thanks to you.

You have shown me the pure joy of being unapologetic, acknowledging I’m tenacious, vulnerable, beautiful, and to have faith in MYSELF, for once.   And thank you for the reminder to take space for myself.

Let’s talk about that for a minute – space.  We talk about self care so damn much.  But we are the first to make excuses not to take care of ourselves, OR to feel guilty about taking the time to care of ourselves.

Let’s knock that shit off, shall we? 

Women are always looked to in order to take care of families, communities, revolutions even.  But when we are worn out, and in need of space to decompress, to process, to simply be with ourselves so that we can heal and nurture ourselves, we deny ourselves or accept the reasons that we are denied by others.

Spending some time with yourself to even complete a train of thought is something we need to do REGULARLY.  Life happens.  We’ve established that, right?  But are we taking the time to really process it?  When we look at our days, when we lay down at night, do we really process the day, or do we simply wish it away and think tomorrow is just “another day” and we will take the time “later”?

Processing life, decompressing from life – that’s a big part of our self care.  You know – the self care that we deny ourselves?  It’s time.  It’s truly time to take care of us.  Self care is what gives you those moments to complete a thought, and connect with you – without the world’s bullshit jumping in.  It might be a cup of coffee while it’s hot.  It might look like being your own best concert in your car.  It might be sleeping in for an extra 10 minutes.  But it’s the time we take selfishly for ourselves.  And I urge you to please – take those moments.  Sprinkle them throughout the day.

But take care of YOU.  Appreciate and process what happens in your life.  Decompress and take a minute to breathe.  It’s OKAY.  Not only is it okay – if we are to continue being active in our own lives – it’s necessary.

I know I’ll take care of my mental and emotional health by taking time to care for me.  I hope you do too.

I’ll be back really soon.

Stay magical.


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